busy summer

Another busy summer.
As always.

I always took summer classes. Never skipped any.
I always have a summer job. I am stressed out knowing I have no more pennies in my savings.
I always have summer project, this time are scrapbooking & losing 5 lbs.

This summer is busy, although school is over.
No more summer class. But RD test is waiting in August.
Summer job is still going on in Brady. Plus a volunteer work in Camp Hickory Hill, a diabetes camp for children & adolescence.
Plus I am packing my stuffs to relocate.

I am trying to relax.
In the midst of my busyness, I complete my IEW scrapbook & jog around the park nearby. Packing can be a good stress relief, too.

However, all this new job issue concern me the most.
I am a type A personality: always worry, impatient, always in a rush, needs security.
I cannot wait. I want a definite answer.
While everything is "still in progress" I am praying that this job is the right one for me.

It's funny how one day I decide I don't like this job (although I don't know what's gonna happen next), and the next day I am sooo desperately wanting this position.
A clinical dietitian. What a good title to have.
Where ??? I am still praying.
I will let you know when everything is settled.

Being a foreigner sucks.
But I cannot complain. God has helped me more than I can imagine.
He works in a miracle way I can never understand.

Think about this: I have not even started my first day. They do not know how well I am gonna be. Why would they so confident in sponsoring me a working visa ???
Amazing, huh ?!
You may think it's an ordinary thing. I think it's an EXTRAordinary deal.
It's a God deal. So I'd better work hard whenever I start my job.

Busy summer. Aaaah... I can never escape from it.
But I do not complain.
I like busy-ness, although I know it can be bad sometimes ;p
But most of the time busy schedule challenges me to be more effective & efficient.
I know, I know, you're gonna call me "dork", so I'll stop here.

"Where's the little town girl ???"

I visited the International center to "share" my scrapbook on 2004 International Education Week.
of course I shared the good news about a job offer in california, too.
Well, I guess Christine has told everybody. So it's not a surprise anymore.

And I am still torn between LA & Dallas.
For some reason I wanted to move to Dallas.
Mainly because of Bethany Church. I missed being invloved in the ministry again.
Thus, I went to Dallas for spring break with Ruth.

Dallas is not so great. Far from my imagination.
San Antonio catched my interest more than Dallas did.
But again my main reason to relocate is Church, not the city itself.

I have never been to LA.
Everybody wants to go to LA, tells great things about LA, desires to work there, and bla bla bla.
I personally don't like big city.
There are more job opportunities of course, but the crowd, the traffic, the high living cost, the rude people .. they bother me.
Therefore. I love small town or college town where people are nice & friendly.

Funnily, I always get something that I do not want at the first place, but then I realize I am good at it.
I guess this is just how God shows me of my potentials.
Funnily, I get a job offer in Culver City, next to Santa Monica & beverly Hills, where everyone has been dreaming of.
I am sure my (ex) classmates will be jalous if they know about this.

"So where is the girl who does not like big city ?" asked Kerri.
Oh, she is still around. She is still scared & nervous of this job offer.
Will she take it ??? Most likely yes.
Will she change after she adapt to a new place & lifestyle ??? More likely no. She is still the same girl who enjoys quietness, beautiful parks, and fresh air.
She is still the same girl who saves money to buy her scrapbook materials.
But hopefully she will survive in the midst of the cruelness of big city. Hopefully she won't be a victim.
And hopefully she can catch Topher Grace walking down her neighborhood sometime !!!

"Wanna be my girlfriend ?"

Taren: "wanna be my girlfriend ?"
Me: "why ?"
T: "because you're beautiful"

Yeah yeah knock it off ! That's the lamest answer ever.
That's not the first time I hear the word.
And I am sick of it.

There are other 'good' reasons why guys wanna date a girl.
Because she's nice, she's unique, she has an inner beauty, etc.
But "because you're beautiful" or "you're hot" is not a good one.
At least, in my opinion.
Not sure of what other girls say.

I know Taren is joking (or he better is) 'coz I am not taking crap out of it.
And I am not a lunatic who gets mad when someone praises me of my looks, but I just think it's not a good answer to ask a girl out.

And to be honest, I feel odd when a guy says, "you are hot" to me.
Thank God it doesn't happen often.

what I am sucked at

Ugh, I think I need to make a list of what I am sucked at:

1. Interview (I gave honest answers, but I think they were lame & stupid, so we'll see...)
2. Dating (who's an expert anyway?! Most people suck in dating, so I don't feel bad)
3. Presentation (suddenly I turn into a shy girl. What the heck ?!)
4. Being a good daughter (recently I'm not a good girl. I've been crappy to both my mom & dad)
5. Time management (lately I am just sucked at this)

Ok, more list to come.
Just bear with me.
Plus, all these job interviews making me realized how sucked I am. Haha...
When the interviewer asked, "what's your strength ?!"
I was like, "uuuh...maybe good education background & love what I am doing, very passionate & independent."

Gosh, I could be nominated as the "Queen of Lame answer"

To choose or not to choose

There are things in life that you have no control of.
You don't choose to be a dork, it happens naturally.
Nobody choose to be an average kid, but some people are just more fortunate than others.

Yesterday in the Dietetics brunch every student got an award their friends nominated them.
I thought I would get "the dorkiest girl" because of course I am the dorkiest among these other 14 girls. I asked teacher questions like, "So, what's the answer to question number 5 in the study guide?" when everybody else did not have a clue when the test was.

I don't choose to be a dork. But I choose to be ahead the game because I know my limitation.
As an international student, it took me more time to learn stuffs compare to my American classmates.

But anyway I won "the bravest girl" 'coz I am the one & only international student in the class.
I was brave to leave my family & country to earn a better education in a foreign land.
Pfh... what a relieve for not winning "the dorkiest girl" haha....

I did not choose to go study abroad at the 1st place. It was more like a family pressure.
But then after 4 years of college in the States , I have never regretted my decision to say yes to the family presssure.
I learned lots of new things; the good ones and the bad ones. I found new friends; the drunk ones and the sober ones. I traveled accross the USA; the big States and the small ones.

People say "life is a choice".
True.
But sometimes you don't choose what you want to be, you just apply what you have.
I don't choose to be a girl, but I act like one because I know I am a girl.

Where do I go from here ? What will I do after graduation ?
I dunno yet. I have not chosen. But I will ;)

goodbye, silly boy

Despite all the greatness I have heard about Matthew Pierson, I think he is really stupid.
Of course he's done so much for MU campus & community, but I don't care.
I still think he's stupid for one mere reason: He broke my best buddy's heart.
If only he knew how much he meant for her & how her heart always stuck on him ...

Oh well, maybe it's just me being too much.
Maybe it's just not the right time for them to be together.
Maybe it's not the right place. Maybe they're not meant to be for each other.
I don't know. I am not GOD who knows everything.

Ok, no more cursing on Matthew Pierson. I respect him.
Above everything, I respect my best pal.
She gave her best. She tried.

There is a reason behind everything. And again, I don't know anything about relationship.
I'm still an amateur.

But again, I still think Matthew Pierson has to reconsider his decision.
Goodbye, Pierson. Good luck with life.
Hope you keep in touch with the girl in Columbia, Missouri who thinks you are his world.
And that girl is not me, for sure. haha...

killing me softly

Don't get me wrong, I am not a murderer, but there are dozens of ways to kill someone.
One of them is to force him/her do something she/she does not want to.
Some people can easily say "no" or "goodbye" to pressure, but I am not one of those.

I am a weak person per say.
Most people think I am too nice.
I guess I am. Therefore many people try to "kill" me.

When I have so many things going on between graduation & my parents' visit, the worst thing can happen is someone trying to interfere & bother me with pressure.
I am not in the mood to talk.
I am nice & friendly & chatty most of the time, but not at this time.
I am too stressed out.

So please, you've known me for a while, you should know better.
There is a better time to chat with me, I promise that time will come.
As for now, please stop killing me. I am dying already.

And where the heck is my bodyguard who is supposed to be around when I need him ?!?
uuuh.... I am such a poor thing.

Why does graduation bother me so much ?

Is it just me or graduation really bothers a lot of people !??!
Being far from parents is not a new thing, so that is not an issue.
Has not seen friends & boyfriend is not a new, thing, either ... so what keeps bothering me ??!?!

1st, I am gonna be away from Ruth and Brittney and Christine and Jeni and Meredith and Katie and Erika and this and that... crap !

2nd, there is no Chi Alpha anymore. Hopefully I won't face spiritual drought because it's been proven Chi Alpha was my spiritual refreshing shelter.

3rd, there is no luck finding the best job. No comment on this one. Sooo frustrated, heh ?!?

4th, I feel like getting old.

5th, bigger responsibilities. I've felt bad asking money already. This last semester I supported myself financially. So amazing yet frustrated. God has been a faithful Provider afterall.
I did not spend money on myself. All of my wages went to the rent & utilities, gas, & other billing crap. Last week I spent money on scrapbook, finally. That was a relief.

6th, finally done with school. what's next !?!?

7th, moving away from ColMo. I am gonna miss Fusion Brew, the nice little downtown Columbia, the Katy Trail, my room in 1904 Waverly, the park nearby my house.
I do not think there is any better town than Columbia, Missouri.
I love Columbia, Missouri. If only I could stay here longer ...

8th, living and working with strangers. No comment on this.
Hopefully there is some other God-freaks out there who would like to be my best pal.

9th, no more International Center activities.
No more crush like Taka. No more gossiping about Jill. No more girltalk between Katie, Erika, Ruth, Christine, & myself. No more flirting with new international students. No more brunette/blonde European guys with cute British accent. No more taking pictures for Intl Education Week advertisement. No more. No more.
I am gonna miss out a lot !

10th, the biggest one: stepping away from my comfort zone.
Moving on to a new episode of life.
Finding new friends.
Pursuing a great career.
Making good money.
What a scarry thought, especially when you do it without someone by your side (but God of course).

Then tons of questions will pop-up:
Is this job the best for me ?
What happens next ?
What if I don't like my roomate ?
What is my job is boring ?
What if I cannot make friends ?
Will I ever have a reunion with MU International center people ?
Will I find new Chi Alpha ?
Will I ever go home to Indonesia ?
...
...
and so on.

Graduation is scarry & bothers me soooo much. Help me out, pleaseeee !

PMS or...

Premenstrual syndrome. Really bothers me.
In a time when I need to rush on my assignments and work, PMS turns my mood in a bad way.
I feel crappy, angry, upset with no reason.

PMS never makes any sense.
I've already had a swinging mood without PMS, but PMS makes it even worse.
I've been bitchy all day.
Today is Mother's Day & I yelled at my mom. I felt bad.
she did not deserve it, especially that today supposed to be her day.
But sh** happened, it wasn't her fault. I blamed in on PMS.

uuuhh, sometimes I regret being a girl.
Girl has to face PMS & the msntruation period itself for at least 3 days: Stomach cramp, swinging moods, a dozen of pimples ...

Oh yeah PMS makes me sick.
Thank God it's only happen once a month. I cannot handle more than that !

Inch by Inch

Here's a good article from one daily devotion website.
I am still looking for jobs & seeking God's will on where I have to go.
It shocked me that the article said

"If you wait for perfect conditions, you will neverget anything done. Keep on sowing your seed, for you never know which will grow--perhaps it all will"(Ecclesiastes 11:4, 6, TLB).

Of course I only need one job. But I need to keep looking.
Arya & I had a converstiong about job hunting last Friday.
That's probably the first serious conversation we had ever involved in, haha... he's such a funny friend & never takes things seriously.
Last Fri he gave me an examples of how his friends quited looking for jobs for a while & then get caught up being lazy. Tima ran out for them & they eventually had to return to their countries because their OPT (working permit) expired.

Then I realized I have been on a job-hunting-break for a month & it does me no good.
I am lazy now. I am not interested in looking anymore.
My mind cannot focus on job hunting.
So I'd better stay on track.

However, the important thing is to invest your life in a worthwhile cause that will achieve at least three things:
(1) it will have eternal value,
(2) it will benefit others,
(3) it will give you a deep senseof satisfaction in that you will not have lived invain but have achieved something worthwhile with yourlife.

It doesn’t have to be profound or earthshattering--just significant. And that you can starttoday … one "bulb," one "page," one kind word ofencouragement, one act of kindness … every day for the rest of your life.

Very nice article. Gotta search for jobs again now !

The race of life

Today I jogged in the park nearby my house.
As you can tell, I am stressing out.
When I stress out, I run. While I run, my mind wander around.

What is the will of God in my life?
Where does He want me to do/go after graduation ?
What will happen next ?

As my steps were getting heavier, I was reminded of this verse:
"For physical training is of some value, but godlines has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life nd the life to come" ( 1 Tim 4:8 )
What a line !!!

I know how good it is to exercise regularly, but I have tons of excuses for avoiding it.
Same thing with godlines.
I know how good it is to pursue godlines, yet I find myself caught up with the "busy-ness of life" : checking emails, being addicted to something unvaluable, finishing up scrapbook, worrying things without doing anything to solve the problems, etc.

Then I looked back.
Damned, it is really hard to live in a standard of godlines, especially when people around me are not living the same way.
Comparing myself to others does not do any good.
Sometimes I say, "Oh well, God, I am not too bad. I know I do not pray so much, but I am better than my friends. They do not pray & they get drunk over the weekends."

Oh yeah, I am sure God will say, "Why do you live on their standards ???"

Today I realized one thing. God never provides good stuffs; He provides the best stuffs.

We all run the race of life. We all need to be well-trained to be a winner.
Only a foolish runner runs his/her race without a training.

I am training myself for a better health. I am preparing myself for a 5-K run someday.
Why not do the same thing with godlines ???

Of course, I am still confused about stuffs.
I still have no answers to where I have to go after graduation, yet my jogging time was fun.
It taught me a lesson. Plus I could run a lap without stopping at all !

what do people remember about me ?

May 5th. Two days before leaving Capital Region Medical Center (CRMC).
I used to hate this rotation until 2 weeks before leaving the hospital, when I get to know more people, when I get to be more passionate about my job, when I get to love my patients...
now I am really sad leaving this hospital.

Dr. Adkison remembers me as "The Speedy" as he caught me got pulled over by the cop for speeding. He's been teasing me ever since.
This doctor is really skinny & fit. He does triathlon. He runs & bikes everyday !

Dr. McKnelly may miss me, too. He's going to fly to Iraq next week & will serve there for 3 months. He is Dr. Adkison's partner & specialized in infectious disease.
I did round with him for the 1st 3 weeks, then he went to Boston. He got back earlier this week, but I've never talked to him anymore.
He is funny yet unpredictable. I was never sure if he was only joking or being serious about stuffs.

Denny from Pharmacy may remember me as the stupid girl who leaves her key in the car ! That happened during April Fool's Day as well. Gosh, I was such a fool !

But most people remember me as the girl with a neat, fancy, flowery handwriting.
Bryan the medical student (who is kinda cute by the way), said "You inspire all of us by your handwriting."

I do not think my handwriting is special. But if I consider all those doctors' handwriting, mine really stands out as the best.
My instructor, Lisa, also has a neat handwriting. Yet I stole her glory.
I said I promised Lisa would get her crown back as soon as I left the hospital ;p

Tomorrow is my last day.
After Friday May 6th, nobody will ever see my neat small handwriting.
Nobody will ever see this Asian girl standing by the tall blonde Canadian dietitian in the ICU room. Nobody will ever see this silly girl who chews chocolate while reading doctor's note.

I'll be saying goodbye tomorrow.
Hopefully I am not gonna cry among the crowds.

another nite in Cafe Fresco

Just another night in Cafe Fresco.
I worked for Nicole, I think. Only for 3 hours, but nonstop moving around, either making smoothies or coffee drinks or cleaning up.

Just a couple minute before closing, I wonder if this would be my last nite closing Fresco.
There was the crazy funky goodlooking Jake, the student supervisor who once said, "I am tired having sex. I wanna cuddle sometime." Haha.... insaneeee !
There was the workaholic Sean, Anna, & Amber. The friendly Jonie. My bowling partner Brian.
The fashionable Taiwanese Aaron, who once drew my cartoon.
And so on. And so on.

Tim the fulltimer said goodbye to me & congratulated me for graduating next week.
He was always such a pain in the a**, but sometimes he was nice, too. Like tonight, of course.

Then I remembered my best co-worker Kunal from India.
He moved to San Diego to pursue a career in engineering & so far he's been happy.
The last time I talked to him was last month. He said he was in the process of getting his working visa.
uuuh I miss Kunal so much.

Graduation.
What a sad word.
Of course it's exciting in some point because there is no more homework, no more killer teacher, no more test. But if I think more about it, I am really really sad.
I said goodbye to my Chi Alpha folks last weekend, then I may have to say goodbye to my co-workers in Brady this summer.
Aaaah....

Graduation.
What a scarry term. Especially when I have not had any job offer or job interview.
I am hardly looking for jobs, anyway.
What am I thinking !??! Job will come without me looking for it ?!?!
See, I am far from being ready for graduation.

Uuuh I really do not want to graduate now :(